Bare Before the Lord

 

If you know me at all, you know that I love to be barefoot. Some people find it weird or off-putting, but there's something about the connectedness that I feel to my surroundings when I am experiencing it all - even with my feet. Plus, who likes the confining feelings of socks and shoes? (I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but BARE with me ;) That was a completely accidental play on words, but it fits! 

When I was growing up, my feet were a big source of insecurity for me. There were those who made fun of me for having such big feet. They would call me names or comment on their size (when in all honesty, they are completely proportionate with the rest of my body and if they were any smaller, they would make fun of them too). I have since started to realize that there are people in every season of life, that find enjoyment in making others feel small or less than. I confess I have been that person before, and I'm sure you have too. But, that is a story for another day.

In high school, I was exploring a call to ministry and I stumbled upon Isiah 52:7 "How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion 'Your God Reigns!'" This was the first time I had ever stopped to consider feet as beautiful. And it wasn't innately the feet themselves, but the person they were connected to, the message the person carried, the peace they ushered in. Our feet tells stories, just like the rest of our bodies. They carry callouses and scars, but they also physically carry us to so many different places. 

In that season of my life I started to ponder, "What does it look like to be completely transformed by the good news of Jesus Christ and my relationship with him, so much so that even my feet are a reflection of His goodness? How is my relationship with the Triune God reflected in the ways that I walk, the places I go, and the way that I treat others? I was very mission oriented, outwardly focused. And I think for that season, it was a beautiful and necessary place to be.

Today, I find myself in a much different season of life. My bare feet are a better reflection of my heart's desire. I will spare the nitty gritty details for my counselor, the Lord, and my mother/ dearest friends, but I have found myself met with unforeseen circumstances that have left my heart and mind in a tender and wounded posture. It was as if it took my world caving in for me to stop, breathe, and settle down. To take a moment to reflect on the gory details I would gloss over in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Revealing the roots of hurt and bitterness that were slowly tethering to my soul, or some that had been there much longer than I had ever known. 

By happenstance (that's actually a word for God's divine timing), I found a book at the thrift store yesterday, one that I had been wanting for so long, but a purchase I couldn't rationalize. I told myself, "It'll get cheaper and then I'll buy it and read it."

There it was. $2.99 and staring me right in the face. It's Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst. A book on trusting the Lord in our moments of deepest hurt and disappointment. And at a moment when I needed it the most. I bought the book, went home, and as God spoke to me through Lysa's words I found myself teary-eyed and sprawled out on my bed. Then, I came to the chapter called Tan Feet. A chapter delving into a part of her healing in immense struggle. And something she said was so profound (like most things she says, if you've ever read her books #bigfan) 

"When we live slow for a season, the Son has access to the parts of you normally covered up by everyday put-ons." (pg. 57) We as people try to cover up who we truly are, how we truly feel, where we're truly at, because we are ashamed. Because we care too much of what others think. Because we think the being the best at something or everything is going to hide the places of our greatest weakness. We distract ourselves from the wounds that we have continually bleeding, hoping that a distraction will ease the pain or fool the people around us. And we came by it naturally. What were the first things Adam and Eve did when they sinned and disobeyed the Lord? 

                                                                                        1) They hid and 2) They covered up

Before this moment, they were in complete openness with God. They had nothing to hide, nothing to fear. There were no other opinions vying for their attention and making them change who they were. They simply lived in the love of the Lord and one another. Bare. Unafraid. 

Lysa spoke of how we tend to believe that if we are stripped of all that we earned, all that we worked for, all that we toiled over, all that we won, that we would be nothing. Because those things are in complete correlation with our worth. At least in our minds. But what if we took a step back and reminded ourselves, "Naked, I came into this world, and naked, I will leave it." There is nothing here that came with me and there is nothing that I can take into eternity with me. Our best selves, the closest we can ever be to the way that God intended us to be, is bare in His presence. Nothing hidden, nothing grasped. Completely bare. It is a vulnerable place to be. A place I rarely want to go, because it is so foreign, and in turn incredibly frightening. Yet that is the space that God initially created for us. A place to be in utter communion with Him, no restraint, no lies, no insecurities. A place of complete nakedness before Him, recognizing not only that we are vulnerable and exposed but that He is gentle, compassionate. Unlike any other. And we have no thing to fear. Not. One. Thing. 

God's response to Adam and Eve in the Garden reflects it. He didn't chastise them, yell at them, or condemn them. He simply asked two things - Where are you? and Who told you that you were naked? Up until this point, they had been together all the time. God longed to be in continued relationship with them. So their hiding revealed that something had changed, not for Him but for Adam and Eve. Then Adam speaks, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; So I hid" 

This was the moment that shame entered the world. The moment it creeped into our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Our relationship that had once been marked by its utter bareness, now poisoned with questioning, fear, and doubt. But it doesn't have to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. 

I think we, like Adam and Eve, have a choice to make. Will we choose to live with bare feet, exposed before the Lord or will we choose to cover our feet, dress up our disappointments and hurts, sweep them under the rug until they begin to cause greater trouble or until life gives you no choice but to stop and slow down? 

There is a reason why there are so many nerve endings in our feet. We are better able to experience the Earth with our senses when we walk with bare feet - exposed to everything, good, bad, painful, and pleasure-filled. And the same is true when we are bare before God. When we lay aside all the masks, the barriers, the comfort zones, the opinions, and so on, we are able to experience the freedom and vulnerability that marked the initial relationship between God and humanity. We are better able to experience the Lord in His fullness when we dwell with Him, naked, exposed, and yet, unafraid.